Dog Park Drama

Today while on a walk with my parents, we came across a glorious sight: the Stonyfield Yogurt Truck.

This hallowed yogurt truck was giving away free samples to every walk of life, including yours truly.

Stonyfield Asian Lady: Hey, have you heard about giving yogurt to dogs?

Dumbstruck Parents: No….

Stonyfield Asian Lady: Yeah, it’s good for them. Do you want a free sample for your dog?

Dumbstruck Parents Internal Monologues: Ahhh FREE SAMPLES! Love Free Samples!

Dumbstruck Parents: Uh, yes please. Why not. Thank you.

Now I realize there’s a lot f controversy around dogs and yogurt. Some people say it’s good for dogs, others disagree. From my personal experience, as documented above, I loved yogurt. It put me right to sleep and gave my belly some old-fashioned lovin. But certainly, you can be the judge and decide for yourself.

The Good

Yogurt can help doggies experiencing:

• Food Allergies
• Hives and other skin eruptions
• Itching and skin rashes
• Diarrhea
• Scratching in and around the ears
• Constipation
• Depression
• Hair loss
• Chewing paws
• Offensive body odor  - huh, what? Aren’t all dogs sort of stanky?

The Bad

• Lactose overdose – constipation, itchy and irritated skin and dehydration
• Cooked cultures – can kill the bad and good bacteria needed for digestion, resulting in yeast infections, more digestive problems and the possibility of recurrent infection
• Artificial Sweeteners – side effects such as depression, seizures and disorientation

CONCLUSION – As a dog, you’re damned if you eat yogurt and you’re damned if you don’t. Life is too short not to enjoy organic yogurt.

Today was probably one of the top 3 strangest situations at the dog park. I’ve never seen my mom so worked up over something.

It all started out when my parents took me to a park by our old apartment. It was so great to be back in that familiar place. The smell of the grass and air was just how I remembered it. We started playing in the field together. My mom brought a tennis ball and we played pickle, me chasing the ball between my mom and dad. It was so much fun, I kept biting on the launcher itself.

All the sudden while we were playing my parents and I started to notice a strange woman watching us from a distance. We all just thought she was a dog lover, but then she started doing something strange. She started whistling ever so softly. At first I thought it was birds chirping. Obviously I had to make sure, so I ran up the hill away from my family and across the street.

My parents frantically chased after me while I was playing in the bushes. I think they were pretty mad that I crossed the street without them. I never cross the street without them. Well as my parents were looking for me, they asked the old woman if she saw where I went. The woman pointed in my general direction, giving away my hiding spot. Grr-thanks for nothing. When I starting crawling on back to them, the old woman came closer to me and started unraveling something in her hand. It looked like a leash. Instinctively my dad picked me up.

Then my mom and this old woman had words. (Let me forewarn you that while my mom has a good heart and intentions, she is fiercely protective of me. Her worst fear is losing me because she thinks of me as her baby. I’m convinced she would take a bullet or risk rabies for me..more to come on that..)

Skeptical Mom: Why were you whistling at our dog?

Old Woman: How long have you had that dog?

Matter of fact Mom: Since she was born.

Old Woman: No you didn’t. Where did you get that dog?

Getting Annoyed Mom: From a breeder in Royal Oak.

Old Woman: No you didn’t. That’s my dog. And I’m going to prove it. You stole my dog!

Super Maternal Mom: She’s our dog! You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Rational Dad: She probably just lost her dog.

Old Woman: I would never lose my dog! You took her.

Always Calm Dad: To Mom – Don’t talk to her. You don’t have to explain anything.

Always Calm Dad: To Old Woman – Please don’t talk to us anymore.

Old Woman: I wasn’t going to talk to you but that short one next to you opened her mouth, you dummy.

Old Woman to Kimchi: Here Butler! Mr. Butler, come here. Butler, come on, boy.

Exacerbated Mom: That’s not your dog! This is Kimchi. Kimchi is a girl. Take a look at her genitals! She’s a girl, not a Mr. Butler!

Old Woman: No, no no! That’s my dog! You stole her!

Lunatic Mom:   MR. BUTLER IS DEAD.

—silence all around—

Old Woman: Hmmph, you know what, that isn’t my dog. My dog is way better looking than that dog.

Above is a distant picture of my attempted dog snatcher. I think we learned a few sobering lessons today.

1. Dementia is really sad and more people (the person’s name rhymes with tom) need to be patient and understanding.

2. Mom needs to take a pill and stop being super protective/paranoid to the point of having words with a 70-80 year old woman, who clearly would never even be able to lift me to take me away.

3. Dog snatching is very real.